SA friend needs help convincing his partner

[SK1]

Hi All,

I've been chatting to a friend of mine back in SA. He has been thinking of leaving SA and now wants to start planning such a move....the only problem is convincing his partner that it is the best for them and their kids.

He has been confiding in me and I know he is ready now. His partner just started a new "grand" job and I don't know if she is now getting comfortable with life in SA because of it? Sounds silly (with all that is going on there), but I also have the feeling that her family ties are too strong and she can't think of leaving SA.

Now this puts my friend in a awkward position, as he was nearly hijacked twice recently and he is fed-up with the fear and the effects of it on his two young children. I do think his wife feels the same, but when he talks about moving, etc. she doesn't respond???

On top of this, back in 2001 they applied to emigrate to OZ. She had to do some qualification verification stuff and registration. She's a radiographer. Then 9/11 happened. They never heard back, and I don't know what else happened since? She was keen and instigated the move and he was not so keen. And then they had their first child and sort of settled and didn't take it further.

He has asked me to start talking to her just to get her thinking about it. She is close to my wife and we all get on very well, but I don't want to push it or step on toes. I'm not sure how I can help him convince her???? She has family in Sydney, who's been there for over 15 years.

Any views on how he can get her to consider leaving SA?

:thanku:

SK1

[OneTime]

Hey Sk1!

Hmm, I guess it's very very tough convincing somebody who does not want to leave... Especially when there are kids in the equation and their family is in the same country at the moment.

That being said - I've found that Australia is not paradise, it has it's pitfalls and downsides - the hardest thing I've found to deal with is the isolation from the rest of the world, and the fact that all my friends and family are either in SA or the UK.

Even so, I still think I made the right move, and the things that make it worth it for me are -

Our doors are hardly ever locked. Sometimes we forget to lock them at night. The central locking on our car didn't work for 3 weeks, and it didn't matter. I stop at red robots at 1, 2, 3am at night and the thought of a hijack doesn't cross my mind. My wife drives around late at night and I don't worry about her (no more than the average person)

I no longer carry a firearm and I've not once had the feeling that there was or may be somebody in my backyard, or about to enter the house. Dogs bark late at night here and it's probably just a cat.

If you're willing to work hard here, everyone has a "fair go". I know of people who work in factories for a living, drive garbage trucks, etc, and yet earn enough on one salary to support a family - 2 cars, a 4 bedroom house, etc.

The health system is good, on free government health care you know that if something happened to you or your family you'll be taken care of.

Society's most important people, in my opinion - police, teachers, nurses, etc, earn decent salaries and are able to support their families.

Generally, kids play in the streets, ride their bikes, etc, without fear.

There is a lot to do here on a tight budget (or free) in terms of parks, reserves, and facilities.


Interruption - Sorry, gotta run, will add more later... :thumbs

[SK1]

:thanku: for the post.

I agree with you. I just wonder if she will come around or will something happen (I hope not) that will make her decide to leave. From my friend's perspective, he was so scared when the last incident happened that he even forgot he had his gun with him.

I guess only time will tell. I told him that if they don't move in the next few years (3-5), then they may as well stay put. Their kids would be older (them too), costs would be higher and immigration controls tighter???

[SK1]

I gauged from his wife's email reply that she's too much in a comfort zone and she's happy with the career prospects she has right now...so there's no push or pull factor.

[OneTime]

I gauged from his wife's email reply that she's too much in a comfort zone and she's happy with the career prospects she has right now...so there's no push or pull factor.

Mmm, you've got it spot on. When you're comfortable, there's no motivation to look elsewhere, or to see the brighter side of a move. It's when you're really unhappy or feel threatened that you channel your energy into making a move possible. It's like job hunting - when things are good, you can't be bothered, but when you don't enjoy your job, the first thing you do is start looking for others.

I'm surprised she doesn't see him nearly being hi-jacked twice as a motivation to leave... having said that, I am making sweeping statements only based on what I've read in your post - I don't know them or what her reaction was so wouldn't want to judge.

[SK1]

I'm surprised she doesn't see him nearly being hi-jacked twice as a motivation to leave... having said that, I am making sweeping statements only based on what I've read in your post - I don't know them or what her reaction was so wouldn't want to judge.

I didn't want to read to much in her reply, but I think there's a feeling that "maybe we are being a bit too paranoid and fearful". (her words)

I don't know how the actual incidents played out, but it seems like the warning signs are there. I asked the question: "surely there must be a source for all this paranoia?". I person don't just suddenly become paranoid.

I don't know what to make of it all. I guess I'll just leave it there and tell my buddy to give it a rest. Who knows maybe she'll wake up one day and want to leave...:banging